No, not yet

By Carrie Diaz Eaton

No.

No, not yet.

No, not yet, not now.

Wait a few years,

When you are wiser

When you have more experience

When you know better

When you understand how it works.

 

Why?

Why do I?

Why do I have to wait?

For a few years,

When I am tired

When I am cynical

When I know best

When I understand exactly how it works?

 

Keeping in mind my interests?

Keeping in mind vested interests.

I am a shiny new slate, untainted,

ready to learn, ready to begin,

ready to understand how it works

Not wanting to see me fail?

Not able to see me succeed.

 

No.

No, not that.

No, not that, not now.

Wait a few more years,

When you are sure

When you are secure

When you have time

When you understand exactly what to do.

 

Why?

Why do I?

Why do I have to wait?

For a few more years,

When I am older

When I am comfortable

When the sands are gone

When I understand exactly what to do?

 

Keeping in mind my interests?

Keeping in mind your choices.

I am an explorer, adventurous,

energetic, eager, compassionate,

ready to understand exactly what to do.

Not wanting to see me fail?

Not understanding failure.

 

No.

No, not you.

No, not you, not now.

Wait just a few more years.

When you make friends.

When you learn the rules.

When you know the language.

When you understand where you fit in.

 

Why?

Why do I?

Why do I have to wait?

For just a few more years,

When I am popular

When I conform

When I can speak

When I understand where I fit in?

 

Keeping in mind my interests?

Keeping in mind your institutions.

I bring passion and soul into my work,

new perspectives, uncommitted by old allies,

ready to understand exactly where I fit in.

Not wanting to see me fail?

Not wanting to see me.

 

No.

No, not me.

No, not me, not now.

I waited those years,

To be wise, to have more experience, to know better

To be sure, to be secure, to have time

To make friends, to learn the rules, to know the language

Until I understood exactly how it works, what to do, and how to fit in

 

Why?

Why not me?

Why not me, not now?

I waited those years,

I am tired, I am cynical, but I know best

I am older, I am comfortable, but the sands are gone

I am popular, I have conformed, but I can speak

And I understand exactly how it works, what to do, and how to fit in.

 

Keeping in mind my interests?

Keeping in mind vested interests, my choices, my institutions.

Not wanting to fail?

No longer able to see success, to understand failure, to remember me.

 

Carrie Diaz Eaton is an Associate Professor of Digital and Computational Studies at Bates College. She is the mother of Gabriel (11), who loves cats, business, and learning new things, and Yudani (9), who loves pizza, swimming, and making the world more efficient.

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2 Responses to No, not yet

  1. Christina Sormani says:

    Yes to this! I was once told by professor at an elite institution how I need to bide my time, stay out of the limelight, stop standing in the center of the room. I reminded him: I’m not even in the room. You only notice me because I’m always knocking on the door.

    • Christina Sormani says:

      On a more positive note, I do find repeated knocking eventually works. But not waiting. That’s never worked for me.

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