Welcome to Math Class, I am Professor I-Get-To-Have-A-Name. I will probably never learn your name, and that is okay. Who you are doesn\u2019t matter. I may try to get you interested in math, but not actually you because I know nothing about you. I am basically never talking to you. First we\u2019ll go over the syllabus. In the syllabus you will find rules, policies, percentages, office hours. You will not find anything here that matters to you. You will not find a reason to care anywhere within these pages. I will ask you if you have any questions on the syllabus, and then we will start the first lecture. You may not know it yet, but I\u2019ve already lost you. You have several other classes, and other work or family obligations, or maybe you\u2019re struggling to manage your social life or your mental health. Either way, mine is not your only class. But it\u2019s a new semester and you are totally going to put a lot of work in for all of your classes. Things don\u2019t play out the way you expect. You do the homework. You don\u2019t get it all right, but this is how you learn, right? Your quiz scores aren\u2019t what you\u2019d hoped for; guess the class is hard. You don\u2019t come to office hours, because you don\u2019t know office hours are for you. At any rate, if you just study really hard for the midterm, it\u2019ll be okay. At any rate, if you just study really hard for the next midterm, it will be okay. You send me an email, if you just do really well on the final will it be okay? Now you reach out to me, you really really really need to pass the class and you\u2019ve struggled all semester with personal issues and you\u2019re certain you\u2019re ready for the next class, because next semester your life will be settled and you can really study hard all semester long you just really really need to pass.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
Welcome to Math Class, I am Professor Harron. I really want to learn all your names, but I probably won\u2019t because I haven\u2019t worked through my guilt and anxiety about the situation. I idly run through various \u201cfun\u201d ideas, but at the end of the day I have so many other things I have to get done. I want you to know that you matter, but I don\u2019t know how to tell a class this size that everyone matters. I want to tell you that you can each email me anytime you want, but I couldn\u2019t possibly reply if you all emailed me at once. I want to talk to you about so much more than the bare minimum. I want to talk to you about so much more than just this class. Most of you are still caught in a punitive mentality from high school and you need help transitioning to college level responsibility. I want to empower you by saying you can make your own choices and you don\u2019t have to give me excuses, but it probably sounds like I\u2019m saying I don\u2019t care what you do. I want you to be emotionally invested in this class, but if you decide I\u2019m wasting your time, it\u2019ll show up in the student evaluations. I ask if there\u2019s anything you want to discuss about the syllabus, and then I start the first lecture. I know I\u2019ve already lost, but there\u2019s nothing I can do.<\/p>\r\n
Homeworks come in. In theory, this is my chance to see how you\u2019re doing with the material. In practice, I don\u2019t have time to read through the assignments. In theory, the data collected is my chance to see how you\u2019re doing in the class. In practice, there are just too many numbers. Again I will think idly about all the ways a better person might reach out to her students, but after running through all possible scenarios (as my anxiety dictates) I can\u2019t decide on any particular action. In class, I talk about how important the homework is and that you should aim to do better<\/em> on the homework than you want to do in the class. I tell you you should come to office hours, but maybe I\u2019d put more effort into getting you there, if I didn\u2019t use that time to prep lectures, update the website, and answer the few student emails I do get.<\/p>\r\n I do not know what Calculus class is right for you. I have opinions on what the course \u201cshould\u201d cover and what a student \u201cshould\u201d be able to do. But those opinions are based on my own privileged experiences. Many of my colleagues have even higher standards, filling me with insecurity. If I make the course too hard, this does not help you, as you just learn that you \u201ccan\u2019t do it.\u201d But I\u2019m afraid that if I make the course too easy, you won\u2019t know what calculus is, and you\u2019ll be moved on to a harder course you\u2019re not ready for. And it will be my fault. And I will be the unserious professor who doesn\u2019t value mathematics and is a pushover in the classroom. High expectations require extra support. If we don\u2019t have the resources to give you the attention you need, do we lower our expectations so that more of you have a positive experience? Or do we keep our expectations high so that the best prepared of you achieve your potential? Exams are stressful for me because I try to prepare you, and it isn\u2019t enough. I don\u2019t know if your scores are low because of the system or because of me or because of all your experiences before you met me. I assure you that there will be a curve. I assure you I will give you the best grade I can morally justify looking at the work you\u2019ve done. I really really really want you to do well in the class, to learn, and to feel good about it. You see, teaching is very stressful and way more subjective than we like to talk about in math. How your grade compares or contrasts with your scores throughout the semester and with the grades of other students reflects on my skills or deficiencies as an instructor. I receive your \u201cI really want to pass\u201d email and my thought is \u201csame.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n Welcome to Math Class, I am a black femme and I sometimes have pink hair, and you probably haven\u2019t had a math class taught by someone like me before. But I don\u2019t talk about it in class. I have anxiety, I carry pill bottles, I go to therapy, but I\u2019m led to believe I shouldn\u2019t talk about it in class. You may be a woman or femme or person of color, but we\u2019re not supposed to talk about it. The white men in the class may be more comfortable speaking up in class than everyone else, but we\u2019re not supposed to talk about it. You may have a family member who is at risk under the current policies, but we\u2019re not going to talk about it. You may know someone who had their passport revoked, or who is afraid of being deported, but that\u2019s \u201cpolitics\u201d and this is \u201cmath,\u201d so we\u2019re not going to talk about it. You may need help. You may be missing connections. You may be struggling with other things in your life. Your understanding (and your grade) is suffering, but your issues aren\u2019t strictly related to the actual class. You\u2019ve learned from me that we must only discuss things that are in the textbook, on the syllabus, related to the subject at hand. You may need help, but you think you don\u2019t need your Calc prof. So you\u2019re not going to talk about it. I am still learning the subjects I teach. I learn from my students. I learn how they think about problems, how they learn. I still learn new connections from teaching, new ways of thinking. I learn from my students, but I need them to write \u201cprofessor has mastered the material\u201d on their student evaluations, so I don\u2019t talk about it.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n Welcome to your first day of Calculus, I am just a small part of a large, enduring system that says we cannot afford to discuss the most important aspects of our lives. This class will, at times, make you feel powerless. You will feel as though your only recourse is pleading and excuse-making, but they won\u2019t work. You probably won\u2019t blame me, as I come off as empathetic and enthusiastic, and to be honest, I care and I\u2019m doing the best that I can. But the truth is, we are all guided by past experiences, external pressures, stress, and pre-existing hierarchies. It\u2019s the first day of class, and we\u2019ve already lost our chance to meet as human beings struggling together.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n On the first day of this semester, I took what felt like a huge risk. It is too early to know what the results will be. After going over the syllabus I spent probably thirty full minutes telling my students things I thought they should know. To summarize:<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n I got some extremely positive responses from some students, but I am still stressed about missing a lecture (and we ended up losing a second lecture due to the weather), and I have no idea whether this will actually help students do better. But at least I was honest, which is something I strive for in general.<\/p>\r\nTake 3<\/h3>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
Take 4<\/h3>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
Take 5: Talking About It<\/h3>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
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